Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

Despite looking pretty, right from the beginning, this game is annoying. Some instructional messages are superimposed on the background at first, which is fine, but for some unknown reason - maybe you just wanted to fuck with us - after you defuse the first bomb, the game stops, and you have to sit through three additional messages before this wonderful game will continue. This happens every time you play (twice in my case, which was two times too many).

The only challenge in this understimulating and repetitive game comes from the poor controls. Jumping is awkward. It's obscenely difficult to control the girl, and there is NO FUCKING WAY OF KNOWING WHAT YOU CAN JUMP ONTO. And, as if jumping around wasn't annoying enough on its own, you decided the girl should make these horrible Minnie Mouse sex noises every time you fucking do it, which is a lot because all you do in this game is jump around clumsily and hold the space bar while occasionally mashing z.

The combat element only adds to the ridiculousness of the game. The enemies mostly gratuitously take up space in random places, as opposed to guarding the hostages, and even the ones you're forced to fight DON'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING - getting hit does nothing. There seems to be no point to having multiple attacks (kicks, uppercuts, etc.) as all you have to do is mash z to dispose of the enemies. As far as i can tell, that kamehameha power-up thing seems to be totally random, although I'm not going to invest any more time in this shitty game to verify that.

And who the hell was that bald guy in the preloader? You never see him again. What the hell?

Don't play this game. If you just want medals, for fuck's sake get them somewhere else.

Love,

Princess Laucherella <3